So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
