did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
