She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
