when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
