So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
