I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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