i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
