That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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