Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
