just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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