Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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