her vagine was all disorganized.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize