hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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