so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
