you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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