Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
