We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
