Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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