Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
