From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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