What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize