She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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