Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He did a backflip because drugs
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