We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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