the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize