Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
