it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
