so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
