I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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