I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
