When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
