i jhust puked up my retainher.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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