where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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