Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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