Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
