I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
