I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize