Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
