i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
