Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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