You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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