I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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