Will you blow on my dice?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
