dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize