so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
