It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
