i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
