in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
