mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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