put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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