If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
