yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize