For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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