Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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