I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
