I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
