im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
