Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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