Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
