put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
