Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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