the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
