I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize