i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
