You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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