So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
