I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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