Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
