Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
