I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
