Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
