does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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