I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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