we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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