last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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