shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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