From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
