fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
