the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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