I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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