if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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