I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
