I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
