**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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